Sunday, April 23, 2006

A Detective Dream
Last night I had a dream that I was an assistant for Miss Jane Marple of Agatha Christie fame. We were called in to solve the case of the missing basketball at a local San Diego Recreation Center. Miss Marple always felt that it is important to give something back to the community so once a week we “volunteered” at the rec. center. The rec. center manager felt that the basketball was stolen by one of two heavy set kids who were always chosen last. Miss Marple in her genius style said, “You two fat kids into the sauna.” They both confessed that they had done it after 5 minutes in the heat. They were hot and hungry. Miss Marple had solved another tough case. Shortly after that she was asked not to come back by the rec. board because they were sued by the boy’s parents for using heat to get a confession and being so politically incorrect for using the term “fat”. I woke up and realized I need to read more nonfiction…

Monday, April 17, 2006

Club Fred
Four years ago I went to Club Fred in Fresno. It is a bar/club where they have a stage for local entertainers to perform. It’s called Club Fred because they have pictures of guys named Fred on the wall: Fred Astaire, Fred Mertz (Ricky and Lucy’s neighbor) Freddie Prenze, Freddie Fender, Fred Flintstone, et al. You get the idea. It was an interesting place. It reminded me that the only Fred I knew personally was my grandfather Fred Walker. He’s not on the wall at Club Fred but I think he should be. He was married five times. His first two wives died but with the next three he had “problems” and got a divorce from each. The last lady he married turned out to be a witch that lived in Fresno. When they got a divorce she put a curse on him and he died a year later…coincidence? I don’t think so…

Monday, April 10, 2006

Being Punked

Last week I was standing outside the Comedy Store in La Jolla practicing my comedy and getting ready to “go on”. A young couple came up and was starting to go in and I said, “I hope you like my comedy.” The guy said, “You’re a comedian?” “Am I being punked?” “I thought you might be the manager or the owner here.” “Aren’t you a little old to be a comedian here?” I had no witty comeback and didn’t know what punked meant. After they went in I asked the doorman what punked meant and he said “its like are you kidding me?” I thought more about what the guy said and remembered that Bob Hope and George Burns performed into their 90s. Rodney Dangerfield didn’t even start doing comedy until he was 50. Sometimes older comics don’t get any respect…

Sunday, April 02, 2006

“Going to the DMV”
Recently I had a birthday and realized that my driver’s license had expired. I called the DMV to see if I had to take the driver’s license written test and the guy on the phone said that I would. He made an appointment for me to take it Friday morning at 9 am. I thought this was fair since the last two times I had renewed my license by mail. I thought that I better study since the last time I missed 5 on the test without studying. I think that missing 6 is not passing. I decided to get a copy of the DMV Study Guide which I picked up Wednesday afternoon. I used all my spare time to study over the next 2 days. I learned that 65 is the maximum speed unless 70 is posted,(65 seems to be more like a suggestion to most people), never pass if you have a solid yellow line on your side, and always stop if the school bus has its lights flashing. They gave me an application to fill out and I paid my $26 and I was ready to take my test. The lady processed my application and check and said “go get your picture taken.” “Don’t I have to take the test?” “No”. “But the guy on the phone said I did.” “He’s wrong”. As I got my picture taken I thought I’m a safer driver so maybe these DMV people do know what they are doing…