Sunday, April 29, 2012

I love sitting in nature and listening to birds. It makes me feel like John Muir or Eckhart Tolle. Birds, especially mockingbirds, know that they were born to sing. They know their life purpose. Singing for me has always been difficult. I think I might sing off key so mostly I sing softly when I’m in large groups of people or once in a while in the shower if my wife isn’t home. When I sing louder people tend to give me a kind of strange fish eyed look. I blame my Mom because she used to sing softly in church. When I asked her why she said she didn’t think that she sang well. She never got singing lessons for me like parents do now days. One day I decided that I was tired of the fear and decided to do a solo as part of a Toastmasters speech. You know “do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain”I sang “Tell me why the Ivy Twines” because I liked the way Garrison Keillor sang it on his radio show. I got back comments that said, “Great speech, you are so brave singing in public. Did you know that you sing off key?” Now I only sing softly in large groups of people.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Get REAL!!! Get real about your life. You’re a Pisces and tend to have your head in the clouds about everything. What’s so great about two fish swimming in the opposite direction? Come on decide on something man. Why can’t you seem to focus? I’m talking to you here. Get it together. Get grounded. Smoke a cigar if you have to. Just please get real. I’m begging you now and I hate to do that. Please, please, please, get real man. I know you had issues growing up but what does that have to do with the price of the tea in China. Why are you thinking about life in the fast lane? You seem to doing 360s around the ice rink. Are you on drugs or are you just a Pisces.

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Getting Older—I’m the oldest comedian coming up here tonight. They let me go on early so I can go home and go to bed. I know what you’re thinking: “God this guy looks old.” I am old but you know what they say about being old. LONG PAUSE I forget what they say but I think it’s something good. PAUSE Oh yeah I think it’s with age comes wisdom and lots of senior discounts. I get 5% discount on ALL my purchases at Jimbo’s Naturally in Escondido. That’s really the ONLY advantage of getting older.