Monday, August 27, 2007

One of my big fears in dating younger women is that I might fall in love and get married. I’m talking about a woman 15-20 years younger than I am who would only be marrying me for my money. I would be afraid if I were to marry someone that young that at some point I might have a stroke and then she would leave me in the living room watching bad television while she and her tattooed boyfriend were having wild lustful sex in the bedroom. They would be in the bedroom screaming like two wild animals and I would be in the living room watching “Jerry Springer” or “Days of Our Lives” or “Meet the Press”…

Saturday, August 18, 2007

When I was growing up my Mom was a compulsive housekeeper. She didn’t work and my friends used to say, “You have the cleanest house in town.” My theory was that my Dad drank, often got drunk and sometimes embarrassed the family with what he said. Mom felt that if the house was clean at least we would “appear” to be a normal family. It seemed to work because most of the embarrassing things my Dad said were not in public but just in our own home. In 1984 Dad died but Mom still kept things compulsively clean. A few weeks ago I visited Mom in her new home in Santa Maria, CA and it turns out that she has 3 vacuum cleaners. I asked her why she needed 3 and she said something about different rooms needing different vacuums and having a couple of backups if one breaks down. Maybe my family wasn’t as “normal” as I once thought.

Monday, August 13, 2007

One of the things that I’ve noticed lately is that so many younger folks and those hoping to be young have tattoos. I went into Nordstrom the other day and a girl working there had a tattoo. She was also dressed like a gypsy or a pirate but still I was surprised that you could have a tattoo and work at Nordstrom. I must be old school or just old but when I was younger no Nordstrom clerks had tattoos. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I need to get a tattoo to fit in more. My brother got a tattoo, bought a Harley, and married a younger woman. He still has two of those three. Maybe I need to get a tattoo to increase my macho image in the world. God only knows that by being a vegetarian my macho image could use a big boost….

Sunday, August 05, 2007

I do standup comedy sometimes at the La Jolla Comedy Store. It’s only a hobby but people are usually impressed when I tell them that I am a comedian. It can be hard at times not so much getting along with the audience but with the younger comics that perform there. They are many times from “dysfunctional families” and most of the times have “issues with their fathers”. Since most of the time I’m the oldest comic performing they sometimes “go off” on me. They get upset for no apparent reason. Okay part of it could be my fault. I tend to forget people’s names so I’ll just say “hey pal, how are you,” which I know is very demeaning and insensitive. I have been taking to ginkgo biloba to help my memory but it doesn’t seem to be helping. Lately though I have been more philosophical in my approach to the younger comics and I ask the famous Rodney King question, “can’t we all just get along” and that seems to help…