Recently I got a virus that attacked my computer. I let my Norton’s subscription run out and put off renewing it. Finally it caught up with me. I got many unwanted viruses so I called Norton’s begging for help. I felt so dirty even though it was my computer. For $99.95 I got telephone help from a guy named Thomas who sounded like he had a very Indian accent. He had to spell out everything for me: T as in Tony, H as in Hot, O as in Oscar, M as in Mary, A as in Apple, S as in Sam—THOMAS. It took over 2 hours to get my computer virus free. I felt that in the 2 hours that we started some kind of relationship. I found that Thomas is unmarried and lives with his parents. He has no hobbies and mostly works. Thomas had the patience of Thomas Edison. I would highly recommend him and his company to anyone that has a virus…

I don’t know about you but I’m REALLY getting tired of sports talk guys talking about other things besides sports. Who cares what they think about Paris Hilton or where they had dinner and who cares what they thought about some movie they saw last night. If I want a movie review I’ll watch Siskel and Roper. I want to hear about sports when I tune in not about your FRIGGIN social life. If you don’t want to talk about sports go see Mary Hart and talk to her about what’s on her mind…

Last week I got my car washed at one of those car wash places. I always hate when the guy asks me which car wash I want and I say just give me the “regular” car wash which is $10.95. Then he says, “how about a hand wash for $29.95”. Then I have to think do I want my car hand washed for $19.00 more. I say no “I’ll take the regular car wash”, the one that goes through your washing machine and scratches the sides of my car for $19.00 less and he says, “okay fine” but he looks at me like I’m a cheap loser that can’t afford the extra $19.00. When my car gets to the end and is dried off I give the people a $2.00 tip. They seem happy and seem to know that if everyone got hand washed it’s a slower process and they wouldn’t get as many tips. At least that’s the way that I rationalize getting the regular car wash…

I have been reading Paula Poundstone’s book and I found a couple of typos in the book. I can’t imagine that she would publish the book with typos. She is very rebellious and it could be that she put in typos to see if people were paying attention. I really like the book but I must say that I felt better about myself when I found the typos. It was like discovering that even though Paula Poundstone is a very funny comedian she still makes typing errors. She probably had someone type the book and maybe she didn’t enunciate well or maybe the typist was mad at her. Whatever the reason I found 2 typos. I haven’t ever heard her do comedy but a couple of people told me “she’s good”. She may be funny but I think she needs a better proof reader. I felt sorry for her because it says in the book that she’s a million dollars in debt. I shouldn’t be so hard on her because sometimes I make typing errors….