Sunday, January 29, 2017

I know that this is a comedy show but I want you to leave with something valuable.  Crossword puzzles are the key to good mental health.  I like working crossword puzzles.  Does this mean that I have way too much time on my hands? I’m doing the NY Times EASY but at times they are HARD.  I think that crossword puzzles could help us come together as a country if we helped each other do them.  Today living in harmony with everyone 39 down WORLD PEACE.  Remember black squares matter.   They provide structure 21 across form.  Crossword puzzles could also greatly help our national vocabulary.

Saturday, March 05, 2016


These 3 business phrases  are being used a lot lately.  I’m starting to get annoyed.  Apparently others are annoyed as well:   I feel that “spot on” is one of the worst.  Are you British?  Why not say the idea is right on target or perfect or very good.  I get annoyed with spot on so please don’t say that around me anymore.  Next “drill down” as in drill down on the idea.  How about just go deeper on that idea unless you’re drilling for oil please don’t use “drill down”.  Next is vetting as in “vetting a person”.  I’m not sure what this means but I think that it has something to do with getting background information on someone.  Why not just use background check.  These are my annoyances.  Thanks for listening.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Lately I have been rereading the Bible.  I read the whole thing last year.  I’m pretty sure that is a question that will be asked in heaven, “did you read the whole Bible?”  What if the question is “did you read the whole Bible twice?”  I think I found a mistake.  Would I get extra credit for bringing this up or would this hurt my chances for staying in heaven?  In Numbers 10:2 it states, “Make two silver trumpets for yourself; you shall make them of hammered work…”  Hammered work?  It doesn’t make sense.  Shouldn’t this sentence be edited to say, “You shall hammer them?”  Who would I bring this up with?  At first I thought it should say hammered wood but a silver trumpet out of hammered wood also does not make sense.  I just decided I’m not going to bring it up.  It’s not worth getting into an argument my first day in heaven.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

I have a small scar on my chin. 
When I was in the 4th grade I was walking to get a drink one day and was paying more attention to Ginny Potter.
I tripped over a piece of raised concrete fell and cut my chin on the fountain. 
I had to go see my doctor to get stitches. 
My biggest fear was that the anesthetic wouldn’t work on me, that I was so different and special that it worked on everyone else in the world but not on me.   It did work though. 
I'm glad I’m not as special as I thought.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Last night I got up to use the restroom and was startled by the pulsating green glow outside of our living room window.  It seemed to get stronger/brighter whenever I showed any fear.  I was worried that an E.T. might be visiting me.  I thought it was strange that they would come to Escondido and land in our backyard.  I was getting ready to dial 911 then thought, “what will the police think”?  Would they even come over?  I thought I better turn on the light to see better but then would the E.T. attack and kill me or worse yet take me to their spaceship and run tests on me.  Would they then bring me back a “changed” person and would my friends and family know me or even believe my spaceship/E.T. story.  I looked again at the living room glow and realized I left my computer on while I was charging it thus the pulsating glowing light.

Monday, July 06, 2015

My hair has been getting gray for about 25 years now.  I have a feeling that women are attracted to this look.  In fact a study I read said that women are attracted to bald men (strangely enough) first and second to them are men with gray hair.  Before I was married I had two women ask me to go on a cruise with them (not at the same time that would be kinky, I’m talking about two different women at two separate times).  They were both in their eighties but I was still flattered.  Luckily I was dating my now wife at the time so I had an out.  I said, “I’m sorry but Shauna won’t let me go on cruises with other women.”  My backup would be that as a financial adviser we are only allowed to accept a $50 gift from clients.  Having gray hair is such a curse…

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

My dad was very friendly and outgoing. He was a great storyteller. He loved to play golf so I decided on Father’s Day 2012 to take him out to play. This was hard to do because he died in 1984. It was kind of a slow day at the Escondido Country Club and we were playing alone on a beautiful afternoon. I decided to hit one for him and then one for me one for him and one for me. He beat me by 5 strokes on Father’s Day which I guess is the way it should be. We even had a few conversations. “Nice shot!” was mostly what we said. He gave me one piece of advice “Jim, always remember Budweiser is the King of Beers.” After our round we went to the Club House and I ordered two Buds. He said “it’s the king of beers.” I said Dad “For all you do this Bud’s for you.” He said “when you’ve said Budweiser you’ve said it all.” My dad hadn’t touched his beer so I drank them both. It was then that I realized it was the best Father’s Day we had, had in years.